Originally posted to Livejournal on April 21, 2007.
Okay, I’m pissed. I’m going to rant a little bit. I will not be naming names because I may eventually make this blog address known. Meanwhile, I usually write this blog assuming that Sealgair will be the only one reading it. I basically consider it a chance to purge my soul and a conversation all at the same time.
For this little rant, you have to have some background. I’m going to caution you right off that this is going to be a bit Christian for some people (not just Sealgair — I’m assuming others do surf on in). If you know me, you know I’m a Christian. Get over it. I am probably the most open-minded Christian around, and I have friends of many faiths and no faith. So this is MY opinion. The way I choose to live. But it does let you know where I’m coming from.
Before we got married, a friend gave us a book. It’s a guide to having a Biblical marriage, the way God has created us. It’s a matter of using one’s God-given skills. In supporting your husband by being his helper and letting him be the head of the household. Does that mean I don’t make decisions, have free will or anything else that opponents of this philosophy usually tout out? Not at all. Brian and I are equal partners in our marriage. I just make it a POINT to have a different outlook on life than the way I was raised, and I refuse to accept society’s definition of “wife” because I think it’s a road to hell FOR ME. Note — not you. ME. I happily put my husband’s needs ahead of my own, and way ahead of everyone else’s. I will do the same thing when we have children. My husband and children will always come first, and I consider providing a good house and life for them my God-given JOB.
You might think this is the way I was raised to view marriage. You could NOT be further from the truth. My mom was a proud feminist and wouldn’t have served a man if he had a gun to her head. Now, I’m NOT saying that she was wrong. She was a great mom and wonderful wife, keeping a clean and functional home at a time when not many people gave a hoot about such things. But she was not raised to be a help meet and probably doesn’t even know what that word means. I am educating myself in this regard and think that most likely I will always be alone on this path. No big deal — that MUST mean I’m doing what God wants me to do. Usually being alone is a clue on that one. No, this is definitely a journey for me. This is LEARNED behavior and attitudes. I spend some time each day reading and researching, and studying my Bible. Surprise, folks, I actually still study. I think when you stop learning and growing, you commence dying. I do not have all the answers, and I believe that by looking further into God’s word to ME, I will find my true place.
On my journey to be the help meet that God has created me to be, I am re-learning a lot of things. Like my ATTITUDE. Which has been pretty bad in the past. I considered housework “chores” and dreaded them. I let myself get sidetracked and considered it a horrible crime when my husband put a dirty dish in the sink rather than putting it in the dishwasher. Or if I had to ask twice that the trash make it to the Dumpster (it’s tall, I’m not). Now, bear in mind, I LOVE to clean. But because I considered it just Neanderthal that I had to do it all while Brian was doing something meaningless (you know, like working 80 hours to bring home our living), I was disgruntled over it. See how dumb that sounds?!? So, I’m changing my thinking. I am making it a point to consider my work around the house my JOB, and I do it to the absolute glory of God. And in turn, to make a nice house for Brian to live in. A place where he can come after about 80 hours and relax without worrying what his wife needs done. One of the keys to this is JOY. As in being happy and joyful in my life. That means getting up every morning and making a conscious choice to be the very best person and wife possible.
Now, see, I don’t think this sounds like a bad thing. But I have already gotten grief about this. People who scoff and ridicule something that not only do they not understand, but that they haven’t even bothered to consider. I hear the disappointment and judgment in peoples’ voices when I decline an offer to waste time so that I might get work done or cook a nice dinner, or GASP! spend time with my husband. Now, I know some people might be taking offense if you’re reading this. Did I say your name? No. So move on and keep reading.
I am trying to better myself. I am trying to be the person I am meant to be. I am TRYING to be what God has created me to be. How does that deserve ridicule?? Or belittling? How is it that I have to be tolerant of everyone else’s opinions, beliefs, and religion, but I have to apologize and feel out of place for mine? Please. I will be joyful. I will be prudent with my resources. I will LOVE MY HUSBAND, and no one will change my mind that this is where I need to be headed. I’ve seen the rewards in a matter of weeks. I know how good this feels — and it’s GREAT. I am loved and cherished by the only man that matters, and so I can take the nasty little digs and keep going. It is my prayer that everyone else can do the same thing. Whatever your religion or viewpoint, I pray that you receive understanding from your friends, and support from your families. Because it truly sucks the other way.
Okay, if you made it through that, you get a gold star. If you didn’t, we’ll now return you to your regularly scheduled blogging. I intended to write about Earth Day and some things that we are doing around our house now to make our footprint on the world a little bit smaller. Okay, not so much about Earth Day as some things that I think warrant spreading around. Things that I only found out about and considered because someone else first posted the information where I could read it.
Right now, we’re waiting on our reusable grocery bags to arrive. We’ve recently purchased a membership to Costco, because we are sheep. Seriously, though, it’s saving us money. A lot of money. I recommend it if you need to consider your budget. However, at Costco they give you these messed up half-boxes to carry your ginormous groceries home. What good is a half a box?? We bring them home, unload them, and they sit in the dining room waiting to be re-purposed…..and then we throw them away for lack of a better use. Sad, really. I’ve been feeling guilty about not using reusable bags for a long time now, and we finally decided to do something about it. But, wouldn’t you know it….they’re expensive as all get out. After a LOT of looking, I finally found some excellent bags and they’re affordable. Miracle of miracles. So, I’m passing the information along to my friends. I found them at http://www.ecobags.com. They were invented in Ireland, I believe, and have been used in Australia and New Zealand for years. I wasn’t able to find a US supplier for a bit, but Eco Bags came through. If you’d like, here is the linky: Green Bags at Eco Bags.
The other thing we’ve done is just for me. This should probably go under the header of “state of cooter affairs”, but it’ll have to fit in here 🙂 And I’ll cut away for any boys reading….
.I’ve switched to reusable pads. Not scratch pads. Menstrual pads. Okay, go dance around the room and say “ick”, Sealgair. Then come back. I have two words: Comfy Cootchie. Which sounds better: the same disposable but no biodegradable pads we’ve used since middle school, or nice fleece pads in pretty colors? There ya go. Comfy cootchies. I mean, is your period even vaguely a happy time? Wouldn’t being comfortable and helping the environment all at the same time make it just a little bit better? I thought they’d be a lot of work, but not at all. Of course, I am not, um..uh, a big bleeder? But even still, rinse em out and then toss em in the wash. No worse than underwear or washcloths. And did I mention comfy? And you can save BUNDLES of cash. You buy them once, they last at least five years, and wam bam, you never buy Kotex again. I found lots of options for them, including Glad Rags, Hag Rags, tons of sites with “luna”, “rag”, or “cloth” in them. Do a Google search. Or look for “Momma Cloth”. You will find literal tons of information. Or, you can save time and go here for the best prices and coolest designs: http://www.lunapads.com. I love me some Luna Pads. I can honestly say my period didn’t suck this past month, and that I’m not dreading it this month. And I’m not filling up the landfill. Takes me about two seconds to add them to my wash. Viola, better earth and, say it with me, Comfy Cootchie.
I’m working on using less chemicals around our house, too. Vinegar cleans EVERYTHING. And I am so not exaggerating. I have been totally amazed this week. Go getcha some white vinegar, mix it equal parts with water and go to town. I’m currently looking for a really, really cheap source for essential oil to add to make it all smell nice, but it’s not necessary. The vinegar smell dissipates after the surface dries. For grease, sprinkle with baking soda, spray with vinegar, and watch the bubbles. No chemicals down the drain or in the wash, especially nice if you’re in the Bay watershed!
Okay, this has been a marathon long blog. I guess if I stay away long enough, then I have to purge myself when I do show up. I’ll try to be better. I FEEL better. Thank you all for listening!