Originally posted to Livejournal on March 9, 2007.
I am bored out of my head. Darling hubby is now working more hours than I can count. I think it’s less hours than he worked at Christmas, but I’m not positive. For a while he had Friday evenings off early, or Fridays off altogether. Not anymore. So now I’m alone from the time I get off on Friday until he gets home at 11. The past two Fridays I’ve been off at either 1 or 1:30….that’s 10-11 hours alone. Fun.
DISCLAIMER: I’m sure that someday hubby will read this. We’ve talked about this, so it’s no surprise. I just need to vent. I love you and know that this will get better. I miss you.
Don’t get me wrong — alone time is lovely. And I’m sure I’m having a lot better time than he is. But I’m lonely here. I don’t really want to watch TV, read, or clean the house. Stuff I usually do. I don’t feel like talking to friends. I want my husband here. He works 12 hours each Saturday. He works from 10 or 12 until closing every Sunday. I don’t remember the last time we went to church together. I quit choir to make sure that we could have a least some time together. That’s not the only reason, but it’s nice to occasionally have a Wednesday night to spend with him.
Now, we used to have Sundays. Then hubby decided that his minions at work need to clean the store on Sundays, since he keeps getting reamed by the DM when the store’s not PERFECT. Bear in mind that they outsell the Walmart across the parking lot in dollar amount ROUTINELY and are doing something like 3 times the volume that they used to, but that store has to be perfect. So, hubby and a few dedicated souls stay after closing on Sundays now to clean. He got home around midnight last Sunday. I have to be at work at 9:30 on Mondays, leaving at 9 for a 20 some minute commute. I cannot be up later than 8:30 AM. I NEEEEEED 8 hours of sleep. I cannot keep living like this. Our one guaranteed night together, he gave away to the Evil Electronics Retail Empire. I understand that he gets soooo much crap at work. And that it is killing him. I think that’s what gets me — I’m watching this job kill him. He gets home and can barely speak. He can’t talk about anything for at least an hour.
Luckily hubby had a second interview this week with a slightly less evil retail empire. One where I really want a discount, to boot! 🙂 It would be less hours, and far less stress. I just hope we could live through the waiting period until he gets hired, gives notice, and moves on from Evil Electronics Retail Empire. I desperately need him to come home, act interested, and give a darn. I am tired of retail. He’s done this for so long, he can’t even see how it really affects him. Occasionally he’ll have an epiphany about it, but then nothing changes. He is not going to be able to do this much longer.
I am not going to be able to sit here alone for much longer. Boredom leads to eating, depression, and sleeping erratic hours. None of these things are healthy for me. I put off cleaning up the house tonight because it’ll give me something to do tomorrow. Sad. And then I have to think of some way to fill Sunday. I do need to practice for a wedding I’m playing next week, but that won’t take 3 days….. I am bored. I feel like a part-time wife. Not like the house is that bad anyway….I’m basically living alone right now. 3 cats worth of cat hair, a bit of laundry. A grill pan and the george foreman from the other night (I hate cleaning these things). Tomorrow Bum will teach me to crochet so maybe I don’t lose my mind. There has to be a light at the end of this tunnel. I really, really, really miss my husband.