Wow! It’s been a week since I posted! Or rather, a week and a day. I had no free time to even think about posting this week, so be impressed that this is up today!
My doctor’s appointment last Thursday was….interesting. I was pleasantly surprised by the change in my doctor’s bedside manner; he was friendly and helpful, and didn’t make me feel like a failure at all. However, my ultrasound showed no sign of ovulation. Dr. B and I discussed raising the dosage of Clomid that I’ve been on to the highest dosage they can provide. I asked about blood work, but he said it wouldn’t make any difference. But I knew something was just not right. My body gives clear signs when it’s ovulating, and they were all there this month. How could I be so wrong about my own body?! I asked Dr. B if the fact that I have a 35 day cycle and usually ovulate “late” around CD 20 would make any difference. He said absolutely, and I gave up some blood. But it was pretty clear that I had not ovualted, and that my body was no longer responding to Clomid as expected, no matter what I thought. I left the office and made it to the car before I burst into tears. I cried most of the way home, asking God why on earth this has to be so hard. I trust Him, but it hurts to get knocked down every month. And you’d think a nine month break would help, right? Nope. Not in terms of pain. Heading home last week it was as if my last appointment had been January, not May 2009. Hurts just the same as always. I spent the rest of the night incredibly depressed, feeling like a complete failure and feeling pretty much hopeless. I hate that feeling. How could I have been so wrong?
Friday I called the patient messaging service about a million times for the results of my blood work. It was testing for progesterone, which would be present if I had ovulated. The results were finally in around 3 PM. And I ovulated!! I was right! I did know my body, and it was working like I expected! If I hadn’t been determined that I knew what I was talking about I would have gone home and been depressed and sad, ready to give up. I would have raised my Clomid dosage to an insane level unneccesarily. Thank God I stood up for what I knew to be right. I’ve been so glad to see comments from other women dealing with infertility, women with PCOS (“cysters”) and other people looking for answers. I’m so glad we can come together like this in such an unprecedented way. Today I would say to you: know your body. Be confident that you know it best. Doctors are great, and well-trained doctors are a Godsend. But stand up for your body and for what you know to be right. Demand blood work and the respect that you deserve. Thank God Dr. B trusted my self-knowledge enough to order a simple blood test.
So now it’s CD 2 and we’re gearing up for another month of this craziness. I have learned so much from infertility. I’ll post about it soon, I promise, but just know that it’s a learning experience for sure.
For now, let’s
Thank God….It’s Friday!
Brian’s bonus check came. Let’s just say that God hears prayers, and He is soooo good. We needed help and all we could do was trust. Turned out pretty good!
Both of our spare rooms are cleaned out and look lovely. That makes me such a happier person, and it feels like our house went on a diet. Ahhhhhh…..
I am thankful for YaYa Princess, who is willing to answer my most disturbing questions and discuss the most bizarre personal aspects of our lives. Usually while at work. I love her and cannot image not having her to share a brain with! Rumor has it she’s pretty darn good at her job, too. Top 5 or something like that.
On Monday, my Aunt Frances passed away. She was married to my dad’s oldest brother, and she had been ill for a very, very long time. Please be in prayer for her family.
Aunt Margie, Daddy’s third sister, was diagnosed with cancer Monday. I have no details on her prognosis or treatment, but I know it’s not good.
Uncle Roy is Aunt Margie’s husband. He was also Aunt Frances’ brother (a brother and sister from one family married a brother and sister from another family). He’s had a pretty sucky week. He could probably use some focused prayer in his time of grief.
Brian’s family (mom, dad, and Nurse Baileys) are supposed to come down this weekend. However, they are also in the middle of a blizzard, apparently. So please pray that they can actually come to Virginia, and that their travels are safe.
Brian’s life at work is going to get nuts for a while. Please pray for him and for everyone else there.