“Have her email me”seems to be my new catch phrase.
Because it seems that once a week I hear about someone who is dealing with infertility. Infertility affects 10% of couples. And once you’ve been touched by IF, people tell you about everyone they know who can’t get pregnant. Which I love.
Let me explain.
I hate to think that the past three years were in vain. Brian and I dealt with so much during our infertility mess, and the fact that we emerged from that without a baby seems like a huge waste. A waste of time and money, a waste of energy, a waste of tears. And it would be a waste except for a few things. I learned so much about myself, and about my husband, about our families, and about our bodies and histories. It tested and refined my faith with trial by fire, and it strengthened our marriage. And, possibly most of all it taught me how to help other people who are dealing with IF.
I’ve learned what to say, what not to say, and how to come beside someone dealing with IF and support them through their own mess. My slog through all of that may be over, but I will always be an Infertile Woman. If I somehow get pregnant in 10 years and have a baby, I have still dealt with infertility. That experience and all that we learn never, ever goes away. The trauma and anxiety, guilt, fear, loneliness, and all those other feelings will always be there and be part of who I am. While I am no longer trying to have a biological child at this point, I will always have a heart for people dealing with IF. And if I can take all of that and use it to help someone else who is just starting out, or even someone who is deciding to stop trying, then it’s worth it. I’ll carry all the infertility baggage if it means that when necessary I can unpack those bags and find something that will help someone else.
I think that’s another reason God let us go through infertility. Not only will we appreciate our children even more once they are with us, but I have another purpose now. I can help. And so God brings us together. People come to me, email me, forward me things. I hear about women dealing with infertility, baby loss, reproductive issues of all kinds. I hear about their situations, and my heart hurts for them. And so I say “Have her email me.” I may be able to do nothing more than tell a woman she isn’t alone. But I know how much it means to not be alone. And I may be able to provide information about or encouragement for her next test or step. If I haven’t been through it, I probably know someone who has been. Folks dealing with IF stick together and we have a network. As long as I have breath and fingers to type, no one I know will go through this alone.
If you have my personal address, please feel free or if you want to use my blog one it’s thebaileysadventures (at) gmail (dot) com. And pass it on.