Baileys Adventures

A merry heart doeth good like a medicine…-Proverbs 17:22

Wednesday Prayer Requests March 9, 2011

Filed under: Faith,Prayer Requests — andreabaileys @ 10:00 am
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Happy Hump Day!  And while I’m at it, Happy Ash Wednesday.  If you’re giving something up, make sure it’s something you actually like.  Unlike the year when i gave up potato chips….which I rarely ate anyway.  Easy Lent, I can tell you that! I’m thinking of Lent this year as a chance to start new habits, and give up old ones.  I have two really bad habitsI’m giving up but don’t want to go into detail.  But I’m determined!  And I have a few habits I”m hoping to pick up, particularly spiritual habits and personal attitudes.  We’ll see how 40 days goes!

I’m publishing this post a bit earlier than usual today because of some time sensitive things that are going on.  Please be in prayer, if you will.

My sister-in-law is having surgery today.  It’s a big surgery – actually a double surgery.  She’s having a hernia removed and then some girlie surgery.  On my blog I call her Anchor Girl — say it like a super hero!  She has super powers, of course, but also great faith in the Lord.  Please lift her up today around 11:30 and for the next few weeks as she heals.  We’re praying the surgeries are a success and she can be pain-free soon.

One of my students is very ill.  This is a constant struggle for her, as her immune system is pretty weak thanks to Lyme.

The grandson of one of our church family is very, very ill with pneumonia and sepsis.  Please pray he can come off the ventilator and that his kidney function will return to normal, as well as strength for his mother and his wife.

Brian has had several interviews in the past two weeks.  We are praying for good results all around, and for patience.

My brother, creatively blog-called Little Bro, had an interview with a fabulous new school on Monday.  I really pray he gets this job — I think it would be an amazing opportunity for him.  Also, he and Sweet Lizzy became an aunt and uncle again this weekend.  In addition to two cute nieces, they now have a nephew!  Yay all around!

My Mama is still peaked. She’s pretty tired of being sick, so prayers are appreciated.

Brian has something big to deal with today.  It’s kind of a confidential issue (not for us, but for the others involved) but it’s certain to be a giant hassle and make him really angry before the day is over.  He hates injustice and certainly wants no part of this mess.

I need Wednesday to be less crazy-making than Tuesday.  Just saying.

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New Journey, New Prayers February 2, 2011

Filed under: Adoption — andreabaileys @ 8:00 am
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As we pause to gather our strength, heal our souls and lick our wounds, we look forward to a whole new journey as we move towards adopting through foster care.  I’ll post a whole host of things about that as we move forward, have no fear.  But for now, I’d ask for prayer.

But not for us.

Please pray for our child.

God already knows who our child will be.  Maybe he’s not born yet, or even conceived.  Maybe she’s six months old.  We don’t know, but He does.

We’re planning to begin the process in six months, and until we get approved and have a child placed with us it might be some time.  But if we receive an infant for care, he could be growing quietly right now.  He may not be receiving any prenatal care.  His mother may  be using drugs or destroying her body in a variety of ways.  He may be conceived into a hostile environment, or be forming his little body amidst chaos.  He may not even be conceived but his mother is already in a bad situation that will only get worse.  Please pray for her, as well.

If we receive a baby a bit older, say 18 months old or so, she’s probably still with her mother right now.  I’d like to hope that her mommy is doing her very best and the reason for removal is valid but not tragic.  It’s possible that her mother is all alone and will pass away unexpectedly, leaving our future daughter with no one.  We’ll be here, waiting.   But it’s possible that the baby we’ll receive is currently going through hell.  It’s possible she’s being abused, or neglected, or exploited.

The child who will be our child could be going through the hardest part of his or her life right now.  Please join us in praying for our future child, whoever God has picked out for us.

 

Finding Our Path February 1, 2011

If I’m honest with myself, this is a post I’ve actually been looking forward to writing for some time. Have you ever felt a certain way but tried to convince yourself you felt something different because you thought you were supposed to?  I guess it’s lying to yourself, isn’t it?  I’ve been doing that.

At this point, we’ve been “trying” for three years, including two and a half years on some form of medication and treatment.  With 13 rounds of clomid and two cycles of injectible drugs to prepare for artificial insemination, it’s been a long road of trying to find the right combination of things to achieve pregnancy.  Obviously, we haven’t found it.  Now, I’m waiting on these stupid cysts to resolve so we can begin our third IUI cycle, a gracious gift from my parents.

Friday I went to the doctor to find out if my cysts were gone (they’re not) and to see if we were good candidates for a third cycle (we are).  Something strange happened there.  As he gave me bad but improving news about my cysts and good news about our chances for success, I realized that I was….disappointed.  Not that my cysts weren’t resolved, because I could have told you that already.  No, I was disappointed because he didn’t give me an out, and excuse, a reason not to go on with Round 3.  I realized that I had been pinning my hopes on the possibility that these cysts were a sign that I’m not cut out for gonadotropins.  I realized that I had been hoping that our success rate would be so low that it would be silly to go on.  I wanted to be able to say “We can’t do a third IUI.”  Because I didn’t want to do it.  I don’t want to do it.

That’s hard for me to admit.  It’s not hard for me to accept that I don’t want to — it’s hard for me to admit that to other people.  I’m supposed to push on, to persevere.  I’m supposed to stop at nothing to have my baby with Baileys eyes, good Hill teeth, and a brilliant little brain.  I’m supposed to strive toward a baby with my mama’s nose and Brian’s sisters’ figure.  A child who can sing but understands the writings of Hawking like his daddy.  I’m supposed to do it all for my possible child.  But at what cost?

Infertility has nearly destroyed us emotionally.  It’s tested our marriage, and it’s obliterated our finances.  When you add the other things that are going on in our lives, it’s nearly tipped the already precarious balance to a very scary place.  Some days I’m not even sure who I am anymore except in relation to infertility.  I’m learning to live with a load of guilt that I don’t anticipate will ever go away.  I’m learning to accept failure at something so basic it’s literally instinct.  As it stands right now, we can’t afford the scary stuff — a spate of bed rest would mean lost income that we can’t cover anymore because we spent all our savings.  A baby in the NICU could mean bills we would have no way to pay.  Physically, I’ve allowed PCOS — a disease, mind you — to have free reign in my body for three years.  I’ve gained an inordinate amount of weight from that, and on top of it I’ve added many cycles of what are basically steroids.  My health is great, but my body is a wreck.  At this point, I have to ask myself if being pregnant would be the best idea.    That’s a big question.

This isn’t a new thing.  Every few months we’ve made it a point to touch base and see if we felt that we were following God’s will and if we should continue. Obviously, if it was God’s will for this to work, I’d be pregnant, right?  Every time we’ve tried a new treatment or a new method, God has thrown up a road block.  Some we’ve told you about, some we have not.  Some have been minor — here’s six cysts for you! — but some have been major things.  Each time we’ve been able to see a road block pop up, either derailing us or sending us in a new direction.  Unfortunately we’ve usually seen it in hindsight.  This time we just had the foresight to stop and consult God before we jumped into IUI #3.   I talk a lot to Brian about the still, small voice.  This time, the answer was loud, and it was clear.  The relief we felt upon truly hearing Him can only be described as the peace that passes understanding.

10% of all couples who are of child-bearing age experience infertility.  Two thirds will go on to have biological children.  We are not in that group. At this point, we have made a very important decision and want to let our friends and families who have been involved in this process know where we are headed from here.  At this time, we will not be pursuing any further fertility treatments in hopes of pregnancy. While we will probably return to treatment in the future, it is not the path we are going to continue down in hopes of our first child.  We definitely want more than one child, and know that they will not all come to us in the same manner.  We are feeling very definitely led in this direction, and are making this decision after much prayer and discussion.

Instead, we will be taking a few months off to process and heal, and to generally give ourselves a break.  At this point our plan is to then pursue adoption through foster care.  We would ask that you continue to lift our family up through this process as you have through our infertility.  While it’s exciting, we know that it will also bring with it hard work and possible heartache, and a whole other set of circumstances.  I personally can’t wait.  I feel like I am walking the path the Lord has laid out for the first time in months.

After we decided this, I sat down to write a little note to our families and friends who had supported us.  As I told them, we want to take the time to thank you for supporting and praying for us for the past three years as we have tried to start our family.  This whole process would have been so much harder if we hadn’t had the support of so many of our friends and family, without the constant encouragement and interest.  This definitely includes my bloggity friends who have been just as instrumental in my survival.  I know that at times people haven’t known what to say, or haven’t understood what we were going through, but the fact that you were there has been more important than you will ever know.

As we move forward, first taking care of ourselves and then trying to find a small person to take care of, we’ll need you.  I’ll still need to vent, to think “out loud”, we’ll still need prayer.  This decision will never take away my passion for infertility and breaking the silence that surrounds it.  Infertility, baby loss, barrenness, childlessness — all these things still weigh heavy on my heart and I will never stop listening, posting, advocating, and praying.  Share your stories with me or ask for prayer.  Let’s just add a new facet….let’s learn about foster care adoption, y’all.

And from the very bottom of my heart — thank you and God bless every single one of you.

 

Thank God….It’s Friday! August 13, 2010

Filed under: Prayer Requests,Thank God...It's Friday — andreabaileys @ 2:01 pm
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You’ll never believe it. My “new” old computer with the brand new keyboard? The hard drive crashed. Brian is supposed to install a new one this weekend. Luckily, I had backed everything up about two days before it died.

So I’m back to blogging with my thumbs. Needless to say, this shall be short. And badly formatted.

We’re praying for my mother who is out of town, and for Madhat76 who is moving to Baltimore against my stringent protests and denials. I personally am praying g for patience and the baby to take just one measly nap a day.

What are lifting up today?